What does BDSM mean?

The acronym BDSM stands for “bondage, domination, discipline and submission, and sadomasochism” domination-submission. And the terms are actually not interchangeable. For Mistress Marika, we could also add an “F” to the acronym for “fetishism”, “because not all fetishists are submissive and not all submissives are fetishists”.

“In domination-submission games, pleasure will arise from a deep feeling of pride in offering oneself to the person who dominates, of belonging, of constraint, of humiliation games. The pleasure is essentially cerebral ”, summarizes the sex therapist Alexia Bacouël.

Mistress Marika, dominatrix aged 32 and living in the Oise, takes pleasure in “the power that is given to me, the confidence that is shown to me, the limits that we exceed together or for me, new or renewed discoveries and experiences… ”

“In SM games, the pleasure will come from the pain that is felt”, schematizes Alexia Bacouël. The term algolagnia designates the link between pleasure (“lagnia” in Greek) and pain (“algos”).

“And consent is the cornerstone of the practice of BDSM [and all sexual activities, for that matter], underlines Alexia Bacouël. It is something absolute. “

“Very few people understand the issue of pain that turns into pleasure,” admits Alexia Bacouël. Mistress Marika, for whom it is “a story of wiring in the head”, has a ready analogy to explain BDSM:

“There are people who, when they’ve had a bad week when they need to vent a frustration or just because it makes them happy, will spend time at the gym. Enough to be able to come out with aches and pains in the muscles. [BDSM followers] have the same dynamic to achieve satisfaction and well-being, through the release of dopamine and endorphins [two hormones of happiness and pleasure]. It’s just the mode of administration that’s going to be different. “Then you think of BDSM, you think of whipping, rope, spanking, and latex. You’re right, it’s all that too, but not only (and not necessarily). In Bizarre Sex: Erotic Practices Today (Tabooed.), The anthropologist and journalist Agnès Giard portrays different BDSM practices: from trampling (being walked on), through pet-play ( playing a pet or walking a person who acts as a pet), or even intimate medical examinations and forniphilia (the art of being a piece of furniture), etc. The possibilities are vast. Very large.

“All practices are not eroticizing in the same way for all people,” explains the dominatrix, who cites a few examples of sessions:

“One of my submissives gave me a text analysis on a song by Carlos,” said the dominatrix. Then he had to present it to me orally in front of a friend. »Shock detail, as if seriously explaining a song by the author of« Papayou »was not enough to be humiliated, he had a clothespin on his tongue.

Is there really a contract in BDSM relationships?

As in the very wise Fifty Shades of Gray, there is indeed a “contract” in BDSM relationships, but it is not necessarily in written form. Likewise, the safeword (or password, the word that should end the practice if the submissive person feels in danger or simply wants to end the game), can also be a gesture (quite useful if you are gagged).

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