BDSM for beginners: all the rules of BDSM

Getting started: BDSM lingo

BDSM has its own language. Before entering the wonderful world of BDSM, it is good to make it your own. That’s why this is a glossary of the most important BDSM terms:

 Bondage: The act of tying up your partner or being tied up on purpose.

Discipline: real or feigned punishment.

Domination: the exercise of power.

Submission: voluntary submission to power.

Sadism: The act of deliberately provoking painful stimuli and profiting from them (sexually or otherwise).

Masochism: the act of intentionally experiencing pain and profiting from it (sexually or otherwise).

Dom: the dominant or whoever is in charge during BDSM play.

Submissive: the submissive or the one who has to listen to his dom during the BDSM game.

Switch someone who switches from the dominant role to the submissive role.

BDSM in your bedroom?

In general, most people limit themselves to milder versions of BDSM, also known as soft BDSM or soft BDSM. In terms of punishment and addiction, that’s a good thing: the risks are much lower when you keep the BDSM soft. Soft-BDSM is not an inferior form of BDSM. It is not necessary to be dressed in leather to practice BDSM. On the contrary. We are convinced that people have more BDSM aspects in their sex life than you might think. What to think, for example, of a man who orders his partner to give him a blowjob? Or the woman who pushes the man down and crawls over him? Or the man who grabs his wife by the hair during intercourse, or who rests his hands on the bed? Or the woman who puts her long fingernails behind her partner’s back?

When deciding to play with pain and/or power in your sex life, it’s important to keep safety in mind. When we talk about BDSM and safety, we are usually talking about SSC. This abbreviation stands for “Safe, Sane and Consensual” or in other words: safe, with clarity of mind, and with consent. This means three aspects, also known as the rules of BDSM:

Safety: do not take any (health) risk. Think about the risks you take in everything you do and try to eliminate them as much as possible. So when you tie up someone, make sure you have a pair of scissors handy. Do not cut any part of the body.

With clarity of mind: avoid intoxicants. Precisely because BDSM can be dangerous, it is important that you are not under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Total sobriety is the message. After all, you need to be able to assess the limits and risks and act appropriately when in danger. Plus, you’re probably pretty high thanks to the BDSM acts themselves.

With consent: Anyone who participates in BDSM activities must consent. Thus, nothing happens against the will of your opponent. The dominant person can be in control in BDSM, but should NEVER do anything that the subcontractor does not consent to. The submarine can let you know by using the stop word. By the way, just because sub-consent doesn’t mean you’re legally protected if your BDSM play leads to injury.

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BE INDULGENT! Choose a stop word

To make the connection with the safety aspect: always work with a stop word during BDSM-type games. A stop word is used by the submissive partner (at this time) when they no longer like the game and want to stop. By agreeing to a stop word in advance, the submissive knows he can always stop the game if it goes too far; that way he really has control of the game. But for Dominants too, a stop word only has advantages. He thus knows that he respects the limits of the submissive and can ignore other protests in good conscience.

A good stop word has nothing to do with the context: therefore no “stop” or “no”. These objections are actually an important (eroticizing) aspect of BDSM play. So it is better to choose a completely different world, which, due to its strange character, is immediately noticeable and can be followed. Think of a possible stop word:

One color (red, yellow, purple, indigo …)

A vegetable or fruit (endive, banana, broccoli …)

An everyday object (pencil, pen, printer, etc.)

It is best to keep the stop word as simple as possible. After all, the word will be used in a very emotionally charged situation. Then you want it to end as quickly as possible, and you don’t want to have to rack your brains to figure out what your watchword was. 

When you agree on a word or stop gesture, it is very important that both parties stick to it. So the submissive actually uses it when he notices that he doesn’t really like the game anymore. But the dominant should also stick to this: if the submissive uses the stop word, the dominant will stop immediately. When it does not, we are talking about abuse of power. Besides the stop word, continue to communicate with each other. Your partner can do more with it than with the word “Banana!” “

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