The start of a BDSM relationship is a fragile time. One or both partners may still be in the hot seat as they learn about each other’s “quirks,” preferences, triggers, worldview, and everything in between. The first intimate encounters usually involve a certain level of stress, even if these sessions take place in a fluid or erotic way. We want to think of falling in love as a magical process, but the truth is there are a number of unknown factors that could derail the connection.

In a D / s relationship, the stakes can be even higher due to the level of risk inherent in dominance and submission. The exchange of power is based on trust, which takes time and experience to establish with a person, regardless of the initial attraction to your partner. The leap in confidence required to move from A to B requires immense vulnerability on both sides. This is enough to make anyone anxious, especially if you’ve ever been scalded on your quest.

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