In order for both parties to be happy in this kind of special relationship, it is important to communicate and have some ground rules in place. No fixed rule applies to everyone! This list of rules for sub and doms are just basic ideas. Once you’ve established the rules for your sub or dom, it’s a good idea to agree on everything before you agree.
1. BE OPEN OF MIND
In any relationship you might have, you need to understand that the other person might not think, behave, or be like you – you need to be open-minded about your partner’s perspectives and values.
This is especially important for d / s relationships because a person is in control – but that doesn’t mean that person can’t learn something from the under. It is a mutual understanding of the benefits that this type of relationship brings.
In BDSM, you can engage in things that you have never done before. Can you give this person a try? Will I like it? Be open-minded and find out!
2. EMPATHY IS THE KEY
Even though the submissive likes to be under control, it means that she doesn’t see the human side. The submissive wants a domme to be harsh and punitive as a dominant, but he also knows that there is a softer side inside – a side that has pity and gives lighter punishments.
Never force someone to do something they don’t want, show empathy and understanding when the situation arises.
3. TRUST EACH OTHER
A relationship is a two-way street, you need to show that you can be trusted by not crossing boundaries or following all of the agreed-upon rules. An underling is meant to be a servant, and the domme (or ruler) is meant to act as a trustworthy leader.
Especially when BDSM involves physical play, it is important to know and trust your partner well before engaging in such activities. The line between BDSM and abuse can sometimes be crossed is when there is a lack of confidence.
4. LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS
Not everyone can fit all of your desires and fantasies – The partner may be willing to play at a different level. As in any relationship, you can’t force the other to do what they don’t want to.
If you are a Dominant, you must earn your status and role, so you cannot embarrass a submissive against their will.
If you are a submissive, you can’t expect the dominant to always thank you for being a good guy. You are submissive in a dynamic relationship, not a slave forced into slavery.
5. BE HONEST IN YOUR COMMUNICATION
You must first access all information from both parties to see if you are compatible with such a way of life. These include limitations, health issues, sexual needs, and your level of experience for you to find a happy medium.
If you have a domineering role and want to push the boundaries a bit further, you should communicate with the submissive first and ask for their approval.
No communication = No healthy and stable relationship = No happiness
6. AGREE ON A SAFETY WORD
As it can get a bit borderline too dangerous in a BDSM interaction, it is good to stop when necessary. A safety word is to be used by a submissive when he has enough and when the limits are reached.
A safety word should be unique enough, something you won’t use in normal conversation. This will be a sign that things need to calm down. You can also use a word to say that the submissive is fine, but to continue more slowly.
7. HEALTH AND WELL-BEING
For this d / s relationship to work, both parties must be in good mental and physical health. Do not engage in BDSM with anger, stress, under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
If the Dominant or the Submissive is weak and needs a rest, let them do it – reignite your power exchange dynamic when things improve. Respect each other’s comfort zone and think about each other’s well-being before you think of any sexual gratification. This is an individualistic approach that is not welcome in a relationship.
8. HAVE FUN
The point of it all is to have fun and have fun on a whole new level. Respect each other and you must achieve your personal growth goals.
A d / s relationship is essentially an upgrade of the relationship, so it should stay that way by adapting to the requirements of each party.
9. BE PATENTED
Living your lifestyle optimally takes time – you have to take it to step by step. It applies to the Dominant and the submissive. Be gentle, communicate, and see how it goes without rushing.
As a Dominant, treat the submissive to create a comfortable atmosphere that will allow him to thrive. Trust that your partner will adjust to your fantasies over time and that you both will enjoy them.
10. FOLLOW THE RULES
Stick to the rules you set at the start of your relationship. Do not come and complain if one of the parties went overboard and said they were allowed by the rules.
You have to get something out of this relationship, trusting the other to follow what each one wants. If there is anything to change, the rules can be bent through strong and open communication.